Well, To Me, It Looks Like We're Screwed
by FEARtheBOREDOM
Summary: "WHAT?" "Yes. You heard me right. There's going to be a sports festival in three days, and all of the universities in the country will be participating." "Are you crazy! We're gonna have our asses handed to us on a sushi platter!" "Not my problem." CRACK.
1. Chapter 1

Why, hello, everybody! This is **PeinSaku** speaking! :) Together, me and **AIBOUGiRL** are writing this. Keep in mind, this is the prologue, so it's gonna be a lot shorter than a normal chapter. Mmkay? Yes? Yes. Good. :D

Please read and review!

* * *

"WHAT?"

Hatake Kakashi beamed brightly at his homeroom class, thoroughly enjoying the torment he was putting them through.

"Yes," he replied much too eagerly. "You heard me right. There's going to be a sports festival in three days, and all of the universities in the country will be participating."

It was deathly silent in the classroom for a long moment. Then, it all went to hell in a hand basket. Some of the students were screaming in horror, while others were shouting victoriously.

"Are you _crazy_?" one student, Inuzuka Kiba, demanded. "Kiri University is a school specially for athletes! We're gonna have our asses handed to us on a sushi platter!"

Kakashi shrugged indifferently, smile never leaving his face.

"Not my problem," he said cooly, whipping out his handy dandy Itcha Itcha book. "The sign-up sheet is here on my desk, and all of you are required to participate in at least three events. Have fun."

He kicked back in his chair, propping up his legs on his desk, and left the students to their own devices as he read in peace. Ah, how he loved his book. It was his fifth time reading it.

"We're so screwed," Kiba muttered to the group around him. A few of them nodded in agreement.

"Man, this sucks major monkey balls," Naruto groaned, slumping over in his seat and pressing his cheek against his desk.

Sakura snorted, glaring at the teacher venomously. She leaned back in her seat and crossed her arms over her chest. "Look on the bright side, Naruto," she remarked sarcastically. "You get to see your dear old friend, Chicken Ass, again."

She had meant it as a scoff, because, honestly? She hated Uchiha Sasuke. He and her got along like her alarm clock and her toilet did when she attempted to flush it down after getting annoyed at its constant beeping. (That hadn't turned out well. She ended up blowing out the water system in her house for over a week.) Naruto, however, brightened instantly.

"That's right!" he cheered, grinning widely. "I get to see the teme again! Geez, how long has it been? I still can't believe he transferred over to stupid Oto University. What's his deal, huh?"

Sakura looked away inconspicuously, plastering on a blank mask. She knew why Sasuke transferred: because of her. They had gotten into their thousandth fistfight, and Sasuke finally got so fed up, he took out a restraining order on her and switched schools. Crude, but effective. Not that Sakura cared, anyway.

"Beats me, man," Kiba replied, shrugging. Only Shikamaru and Neji were in on the secret. "But who cares, anyway? The guy was a real prick."

"Definitely," Sakura muttered, placing her cheek in her palm.

"What the heck are we gonna do about this sports festival thing?" Naruto complained, crossing his arms and puffing out his cheeks as he climbed out of his desk. "This is so uncool, man."

"Tell me about it," Sakura agreed distastefully, standing up to join him. She sighed as their little group followed the other students up to Kakashi's desk, dreading the upcoming event.

Their small circle of friends was a strange bunch. It composed of Haruno Sakura, the foul-mouthed short-tempered genius/street-fighter; Uzumaki Naruto, the gutsy loud-mouthed idiot who meant well; Inuzuka Kiba, the flirt/part-time-mechanic/dog-lover; Nara Shikamaru, the lazy genius who spent his time sleeping and cloud-watching; Akimichi Chouji, the human garbage disposal; Hyuga Neji, the fate-oriented well-mannered third genius; Hyuga Hinata, the super shy/quiet girl with a monster crush on Naruto; and Aburame Shino, the mostly-silent genius/bug-lover. Yamanaka Ino, Tenten (she never gave out her last name), Sai (no last name, either), and Rock Lee occasionally joined in their group, though not very often.

Sakura grimaced as she looked over the sign-up sheet on Kakashi's desk. Naruto, sensing her distaste through their twin-like bond, tried to look over her shoulder at the paper.

"What's it say, Sakura-chan?"

Sakura grabbed the paper and turned around to her group, glaring at it. "Alright," she grumbled. "Here's the different events: girls'-slash-guys' ten-meter dash, girls'-slash-guys' fifty-meter dash, girls'-slash-guys' hundred-meter dash, girls'-slash-guys' twenty-meter swim, tug-of-war, girls' softball, boys' baseball, girls'-slash-guys' soccer, girls'-slash-guys' basketball, girls' volleyball, and girls'-slash-guys' long jump."

Kiba and Naruto groaned loudly, while a few others grimaced.

"Great," Shikamaru grumbled, eyes closed as he rubbed the back of his neck with one hand and stuffed the other in his pocket. "What a drag."

"This _sucks_," Naruto repeated crossly, glaring at the paper as if he expected it to explode.

"Complaining will get us nowhere, even if it _does_ make us feel better," Sakura remarked dryly, stealing a pen from Kakashi's desk. "So let's hear it; tell me what you want, and I'll put all our names it."

The others gave grunts and grumbles, but none of them protested. In the end, they (unwillingly) decided upon their events:

Sakura: girls' hundred-meter dash, girls' twenty-meter swim, tug-of-war, girls' soccer, and girls' volleyball.

Naruto: boys' ten-meter dash, tug-of-war, and boys' soccer.

Kiba: boys' hundred-meter dash, boys' twenty-meter swim, tug-of-war, boys' soccer, and boys' basketball.

Shikamaru: skipping school that day, but showing up in the stands for the hell of it to see how everyone else does.

Chouji: going with Shikamaru.

Neji: boys' ten-meter dash, boys' fifty-meter dash, and tug-of-war.

Hinata: girls' ten-meter dash, girls' twenty-meter swim, and girls' volleyball.

Ten minutes later, the class had another reason to be unhappy: their sports festival uniforms had come in. The shirts were one-size-fits-all, but they all had to sort through the shorts to find their size. All of the universities were required to wear black shorts and a t-shirt with the school's symbol on the back, but the shirts colors differed.

Red for Konoha — their university, blue for Kiri, yellow for Kumo, green for Kusa, brown for Suna, purple for Oto, black for Ame, white for Yuki, and gray for Taki. It was all very organized, against popular belief. The school whose students won the most competitions was the winner. The reward, to the students' annoyance, was an all-expenses-paid one-week-getaway to America for the principal of the winning school. Figures.

"Well, Naruto," Kiba mumbled, clapping the blond on the back in the manly way of defeat, "to me, it looks like we're screwed."

"Seriously screwed," he agreed glumly.

"We won't go down without a fight," Sakura vowed, eyes blazing and smirk in place. "What d'ya say, guys? Let's kicks some ass."

She was met with grins and smirks.

"Definitely, Sakura-chan!" Naruto slapped her a high-five. "Watch out, world, 'cause Uzumaki Naruto is gonna beat you all!"

"You're such an idiot, Naruto."

"You're so mean, Sakura-chan."

"I know."


	2. Chapter 2

*jumps through the wall* OH YEAHHH! ...Sorry, I was pretending to be the kool-aid man again. I PROMISE I'LL FIX THE WALL. As you may have guessed I'm the more obviously eccentric (not MORE eccentric; just more OBVIOUS) one of this duo; the name's **AIBOUGiRL,** kiddies. OwO Now see if I ever write a chapter with Itachi in it (which I am damn well determined to do) please keep in mind that he has only been mentioned in ONE SENTENCE in one of my stories. I don't know jack shit about how to write him. CUT ME SOME SLACK AND SOME REVIEWS. YES. And holy shit, six pages. It's a record. For me, anyway. Steph writes much longer chapters. -w- I HOPE IT'S FUNNY. AGH.

(P.S: The plain ol' line-divider thing FFnet provides doesn't work for me for some shit-jack reason, so I'll be using my own dividers. :D All center-aligned things are generally dividers with me.)

And, since Steph-le-dorko forgot it, ala **disclaimer: back the fuck up, it's not ours.**

_.:go on and read naow:._

"I withdraw my former statement," Sakura groaned. "At the moment, I am _definitely _willing to go down without a fight."

Naruto's face, drained of any and all color, was uncharacteristically grim. Every student who walked by had much the same expression on their faces, actually. The odd group had split up to deliver the plain-simple-and-hideous dark red uniforms to their lockers, and had only just now reunited.

"Cheer up, Sakura-chan," Naruto tried weakly. Now, see, there is a general rule about trying to make people feel better. When people feel bad, and you try to comfort them whilst you, too, are feeling like shit, you will, _without fail_, get abso-frickin'-lutely nowhere.

It's just a commonly known fact.

"_Shut_ up," Sakura retorted harshly. She slammed her head down on the lunchtable. Ino, around for one of those rare moments, cleared her throat awkwardly.

After all, Sakura's face had landed right in her...whatever the bloody hell that was. (Seriously, no one knew what the hell this university served for lunch. It was always the dreaded mystery meat, and nobody but Naruto dared even to touch it [Because "he'll eat anything he can get his damn mouth around," as quoted by Sakura].)

Sakura lifted her face with many grumbles and hisses of disgust at the goo on her face. "Hinata, give me the hand sanitizer!" She screeched. Startled, her timid-but-totally-scary-when-pissed friend handed her a small bottle. Sakura doused a napkin in the clear, alcohol infused liquid and then scrubbed furiously at her face.

"...I'm beginning to understand why people think we're crazy," Kiba sighed.

The pink-haired girl shrugged her shoulders and threw the mystery meat infested napkin on top of Shikamaru's pineapple-shaped ponytail. Needless to say it didn't faze him in the slightest, being that he was asleep. (_'When is he _not _asleep?'_ was a common question amongst the student body.) "But seriously, I really hate the country right now," Sakura stated monotonously.

Hinata gave her a 'look' and stuttered, "H-honestly, w-who doesn-n't?"

"..Very good question, that," Chouji grinned, munching on a handful of potato chips. He was the only one in their group lucky enough to have food sent to him from home, ergo avoiding the atrocious brown muck more commonly known as cafeteria lunches.

Lucky, indeed.

_.:hay look a divider:._

Later, back in Sakura and Hinata's dorm room, the latter was gnashing her teeth together in massive irritation. "Three _fucking_ days, and then we are all DOOMED," the pink-haired girl raved. Hinata sighed.

"S-sakura-chan, don't y-you think you're being a l-little dr-dramatic about t-this?"

"NO, I DO NOT."

Hinata sighed once more. "L-let's just do our h-homework. It's n-not like we c-can get out of t-the sports t-thing."

Sakura puffed indignantly and pulled out five or six textbooks and a MacBook, all of which she settled on her desk. "Fine," she agreed sullenly. "But seriously, Hina-chan, we're fuuucckkeeedd..."

Hinata fixed her with a sharp look. "D-don't whine at me, S-sakura. I'm _s-so_ not in the m-mood." Sakura threw her hands up in the air and finally relented.

Ugh, sometimes Sakura really just wanted to murder someone. Or hit something.

Violence in general, really. Just, right now, it was worse than normal because she was pissed off at the freaking country(ies).

"Sakura," Hinata said out of the blue. "S-stop thinking m-murderous thoughts. I-it's not helpful to c-concentration."

Sakura smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, Hinata-chan."

For the next few hours, Sakura tried to work on that British Lit. paper, she really, truly did, but it was just so _hard_. Even after she downed a Focus VitaminWater and taped her eyelids open (hey, she really needed to get this thing done), she still couldn't concetrate worth a shit.

Sakura growled at the computer.

_Hamlet is a wonderful play, written by Shakespeare, someone renowned for his intelligence and mastery of the art of literature-_

She groaned and pressed the delete button furiously. Honestly, who wouldn't be able to tell that she was just pulling shit out of her ass?

Sakura picked up a random pencil and chewed on it, as unhygenic as that was, and tried to channel her inner Shikamaru. Mainly because that stupid asshole never had to try to write papers and get a's on them, the son of a bitch..

_Must not think of sleep. Must not think of sleep..._

Her efforts turned out futile; moments later...there was drool on the laptop.

Hinata sighed. "S-sakura..."

_.:another one!:._

"Nnngh..."

"SAKURA-CHAN! WAKE UP!"

"AGH, NARUTO, WHAT THE _FUCK_ IS _WRONG WITH YOU?_"

Sakura's brother-figure cringed away in fear. "I'm sorry! Don't kill me! Eep.." Sakura sighed at him and dragged herself away from the desk. Ugh, her head was throbbing from sleeping on wood and there was _drool on her MacBook._

Consider her fucked.

Rubbing at her temples, Sakura gritted her teeth and muttered, "Why the fuck did you wake me up?" Naruto's demeanor brightened within seconds, and he cheerfully jumped off the floor to better speak to the pinkette.

"WE'RE GOIN' TO A PARTY, SAKURA-CHAN!"

Eye twitch. Punch.

"STOP YELLING, YOU JACKASS!"

Naruto jumped back and cringed again. "S-sorry, Sakura-chan..." Sakura crossed her arms and dilligently took a swig of a new VitaminWater to show off her righteous huffiness. And then a thought raced across her mind.

"Why are we going to a party, again?"

Hinata, apparently nervous out of her mind but _still_ blushing at Naruto, cringed. "W-we're going to a b-bar, Sakura-chan."

VitaminWater all over Naruto's face; check.

Sakura instantly dropped the waterbottle, grabbed Naruto's hand, and dragged him to a corner. Immediately, she clocked him over the head. "How the hell did you manage to coerce Hinata into going to a _bar_, you idiot?" She hissed.

"Whoah, whoah!" Naruto held up his hands in a gesture of surrender, his eyes wide. "I didn't coerce her into anything, I swear!"

She snorted. "You don't even know what coerce _means_."

Obviously not trusting him, Sakura eyed Naruto dubiously and crossed her arms. "S-sakura-chan," Hinata said shyly, "He didn't c-coerce me into a-anything." Still not looking convinced, Sakura huffed.

The door flew open. Hinata eeped out of shock, Naruto fairly squawked and fell over in surprise, and similarly, Sakura shrieked loudly and quite literally toppled off of the bed and onto the floor in a comic way.

"HELLO, PARTY PEOPLE!" A familiarly loud voice yelled. Ino strutted in, toting her infamous make-up case of doom, death, and MORE doom.

Sakura flinched from her position on the floor. "What exactly are you planning to do with that?" She asked, the mere thought of being made-over making her shudder.

Ino grinned maniacally. "Why, I'm here to help you and Hinata-chan get ready, of course..."

Naruto tore ass out of there with a loud, "BYE GUYS, HAVE FUN WITH INO AND HER SCARY MAKE-UP!"

Sakura twitched. "Don't you dare bring that case of atrocities any closer, Pig."

Her look-at-me-I'm-fucking-_insane_ smile didn't diminish in the slightest; in fact, it actually seemed to get bigger.

Sakura and Hinata? They were officially doomed.

_.:divider again, wtf:._

Look, when someone says that Ino's make-up case is full of doom and death and all that, they aren't kidding. It had been _at least_ an hour since Ino had dragged their asses into the bathroom and she was _still_ trying to 'find the perfect shade of eyeshadow to match Sakura's hair.'

No. Fucking. Joke.

"Ahaha, I found it!" Ino sing-songed, finally reemerging with a delicate smoky gray that perfectly complimented Sakura's complexion. (And the hooker heels that Ino had forced on her.

Bitch.)

The blond forced Sakura back onto the chair placed in front of the bathroom counter and began vigorously adding the eyeshadow with a skilled hand. "And just a little black eyeliner..oh and Forehead, wear your hair up, you'll look so cute that way.. and done!"

Sakura looked at herself, and the anguished expression finally faded, to be replaced with awe.

Her eyes looked bigger, more sultry, due to the smoky eyeshadow and black liner, accentuated with glittery silver mascara. All of it went along well with her clear lipgloss and slinky silver dress (forced upon her along with the hooker heels, sadly) that fell to _barely_ past her mid-thighs and had no straps.

"ONTO HINATA!"

Yes, she had not even started on Hinata yet. Apparently, the make-up had to be copletely perfect.

Ino could be such a dumbass.

_One of these days, someone is going to positively kill Ino_, Sakura thought venomously as she reached for a hairbrush. She very precisely brushed her hair, making it go pin-straight, then grabbed at Ino's treasured electric hair-curler. Carefully making sure she didn't burn herself, pink locks were within minutes shaped to look as if a windstorm had passed, curling her hair pleasantly.

Sidebangs aside, Sakura forced her curls up into a cute little ponytail, leaving said curly sidebangs to frame her face. She added a little silver clip to the ponytail holder to match Ino's selected colour scheme for her, and then gave herself a once-over in the mirror.

She looked _hot_. Had to give Ino some props there, she supposed.

Hinata was still being tortured. Poor thing. Ino had forced her into a pretty white-to-cerulean number; more elegant than Sakura's because seriously, Hinata did not pull off the slinky, slutty look well. It had thin straps that crossed over her collarbone in an 'x' shape, the same pattern mirrored on her back, and flowed down from the tight white fabric bust in a watterfall pattern.

Ino had pulled out a nice pale shade of eyeliner, saying blandly that she couldn't find eyeshadow good enough for Hinata's eyes, and applied it in thin strokes. She quickly glossed Hinata's lips with the same that Sakura had used, then pinned her midnight hair up into a curly bun with her bangs pinned to the side in a sweeping movement, making the Hyuga look positively adorable.

Lord, they were dressed to _kill_ tonight. Fucking Ino.

"Pig, I should kill you for forcing me into these damned stillettos."

"But Sakura, you have _such_ nice legs, and those heels look adorable on you-"

"BULLSHIT, they're hooker heels!"

"...That's my point, Forehead."

"YOU BITCH, YOU ARE SO GOING DOWN. AGH."

Hinata sighed and slipped on the white sandals Ino had given her, far too used to the yelling of her friends, and exited the bathroom shyly, even though there wasn't anyone in the bedroom.

She had to admit, she did look really cute. Sakura had been forced into a more sultry look, but Ino had realized, after making her try on a number of dresses, that Hinata just couldn't manage it like her friend could.

According to Sakura, she 'fucking radiated innocence'.

"GODDAMMIT, FOREHEAD, LEAVE ME ALONE SO I CAN GET _READDYYYY!_"

And just like that, the fuming pink-haired girl was in the dorm with Hinata, looking like a silver and pink explosion. It was a very pretty colour on her, Hinata noted, and made her hair look shinier and more unique than it already did. Which, to be quite frank, she hadn't thought was possible, seeing how it was already bubblegum pink.

"Fucking Pig," Sakura spat, crossing her arms tightly over her dress, "Sometimes, I hate her, I swear I do."

Hinata sighed again. There was just _no point_.

_.:scene switch..lawl:._

After finally getting Naruto, the poorly designated driver of the night (as he would no doubt get shitfaced), to stop staring at Hinata and turning red much like she did, the group minus Shikamaru (he fell asleep) and Shino (bars + bugs = not good, apparently.) all set off toward the nearest bar.

It was a rat's nest, really, but Naruto apparently didn't give a damn so he went in, screeching about "ALCOHOOOLLL!", and the others sighed. Ino had spent hours dolling the girls up and the guys just wanted to get drunk off their asses.

They should have expected as much.

Regardless, everyone went in.

"Hinata, I now designate you as driver, because Naruto's already downing a Sex On The Beach," Sakura grimaced. (Yes, they had all shown fake IDs to get in here, your point?)

Hinata giggled softly. "Okay."

"Good girl."


End file.
